What's Your Near-Death Auto Experience?

"Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert" (joshuagilbert) 08/01/2014 at 13:13 • Filed to: None

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Hopefully it's funny.

A couple weeks ago, we recently got the tire replaced on my mom's car replaced. A week afterwards, the bolt holding in the caliper (RF) on my mom's caliper on her 2012 Acura MDX flew out (due to improper installation) causing the magnet and the brake to fly off and into the wheel well, locking the wheel up and causing my car to do a front wheel burnout and sudden halt before a busy 8x8 intersection. We were surrounded by complete smoke for 10 seconds.

In the three seconds before the big bang, we heard the *chink* as the bolt flew out and the brake loosened. My best friend was riding shotgun, and he shot me a look. We seem to mouth "Did you hear that?" In unison. We were going about 48 miles an hour in 4 lane traffic.

"KAHBAM-SSSSSHSHSHSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhuuh..kudth....psssshhhhh..."

The steering wheel pulled in every direction, but I held it straight like a scared child, fearful I would sideswipe another car in the darkness.

We waited until the intersection was still, shut the MDX off, and ran to the curb. I dialed Roadside Assistance. The car would not move. The wheel was entirely locked up and the tire eventually blew out, too. Pieces of molten metal cooled in the wheel well. Magnets and pieces of brake pad were lying on the road for 25 feet behind us.

Of course, being Sunday night, we had to have clueless drivers pulling up behind us (yes, we had our Hazards on) and sitting there for 3, 5 minutes at a time, staring with glassy eyes at the four teenagers/20 year olds on the sidewalk waving frantically and yelling with iPhone lights, to please, move on.

We hailed a (Actually very friendly) police officer over and he called the County's contracted wrecker (which would arrive an hour before Roadside Assistance would ever get there) More nighttime zombies rolled up behind the Vic and the MDX and would honk, or just sit there, just not getting it. The cop eventually told the gentlemen driving the Aveo? with Diplomatic plates to "Move on, clearly, sir, their vehicle is disabled." "BUT I VANT TO GUOH STRAIGHT!" "No, sir, please, move on." "But, I vant to go straight!" The cop casually placed his hand upon his holster. The Aveo driver glared at all of us he made a slow drive away from the scene.

"Can you arrest them?" my brother asked. "Nope," chuckled the cop, "But we can make their tickets very, very expensive."

We eventually made the Dealership understand how much worse that could've been for us and how WE COULD HAVE DIED because of their mistake. We got free service up the wazoo. They paid every penny.

Desu-San-Desu > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:17

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I don't have time to tell the full story right now as I'm on my phone at work, but I just wanted to point out that you couldn't have timed this post any better. :-P

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:19

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I dropped a jetta on my head and all I got was this crappy story

Party-vi > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:22

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Magnets?

Also, my near-death was when I crashed my Cherokee. Raining, I was in the right lane and some jerkoff decided to make a quick stop at a auto shop so they hit the brakes and darted off the road onto the shoulder. The two cars in front of me hit their brakes and I checked my mirrors and swerved into the left lane to keep from plowing into the Suburban in front of me. Didn't matter though, since an ML500 did the same thing I did two cars up and slammed his brakes hard, leading me to hit the brakes; they locked up (no ABS) and I smacked into him at 40mph. Knees through the dash, glasses somewhere behind the accelerator pedal, and the radiator pushed into the belt drive. I had a nice big bruise across my chest where the seatbelt saved my face from my steering wheel, and thankfully the gentleman in the Mercedes was a-ok. It doesn't look that bad in the photo, but the crash pushed the front inner/outer fender into the A-frame, which buckled up and bend the door frame and kinked the roof. It wasn't savable.

McMike > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:23

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12 hours earlier, I drove this thing off a used car lot.

The funny part? When I got out of the hospital, we went back to the woods were I had left it, and there were fucking cassette tapes EVERYWHERE.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > Party-vi 08/01/2014 at 13:26

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Aw, dude. :( Yeah newer disk brakes have magnets in them for stability. Forgot the mechanics behind it.

AM3R > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:27

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It's 1 am outside of a Taco Bell. We sit in the drive thru realizing we were 30 cents short. We start digging through the seats looking for spare change when my friends foot slightly depresses the brake pedal and the car lurches forward in the slowest fender bender ever.

Did I mention we only had our permits and we were in his moms leased Mercedes?

We would've been killed if we got caught, but the lady we "crashed" into caught on to us not having licenses and said she understood. The damage was nonexistent, not even a scratch thanks to VA's front plate rule.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > AM3R 08/01/2014 at 13:28

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HAHAHAHAHAHA you must live like 5-10 minutes from my house. Such a NoVA story. #firstworld

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:28

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AM3R let's meet up at Tysons or Katies sometime.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:28

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was this the Taco Bell on Gallows?

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:31

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I still remember this vividly - I was still in a child seat at the time but my life literally flashed before my eyes. In hindsight, it wasn't really that bad an incident but Christ it was scary and to this day, I still have no idea how it happened. It happened at this corner . My dad was driving our first gen Ford Focus sedan and as we turned, the whole car skidded and did a 180 straight into the bush. I don't recall there being a slippery patch nor was it raining. The car sustained a broken lower grille, but apart from that, nothing else was wrong.

My mum on the other hand had a much scarier experience, all on her own at night in the winter. On the same road, but on a different corner . She tells the story like this. As she approached that bend, she hit black ice. The Freelander she was driving swung right, then as she applied oppo, left and she ended up doing a 360 straight into oncoming traffic on the wrong side of the road. She stopped just in time, with the other car's driving staring straight back at her, frightened as she was.

Of course, there was that time we crashed our beloved Mini Cooper - wasn't a near death experience for us, but it was for the car. It was a write off (the engine still started and moved despite a bent frame and destroyed steering) but a few months later, we saw it on the road again with unbent frame and entirely new front end components.

thebigbossyboss > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:31

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Well there was that time I almost died in a vehicle caught in a violent riot.

But let's talk about something different.

One day we went clubbing in a city called Tema. If you look where Tema is you will see it is about 30 kilometers from Ghana's capital city Accra and they are connected by the imaginatively named "Tema-Accra" motorway.

Anyways around 5am, the club lost it's power (WAWA: west africa wins again).
So we decided to head home. We got into our 2005 Chrysler 300 that we came in. And then the driver floored it down the motorway. Laws like "drunk driving" are a lot more lax there, if you're rich you just bribe your way out).

Laws like "speed limits" don't exist. We were going bout 95 mph. Noone is wearing their seatbelt. That's normal, this is west africa, noone EVER wears there seatbelt.

Then a truck going (approximately) 43 mph (70 km/h) went to pass another truck right that was going something like 37 mph (60 km/h), thus blocking both lanes.

I don't know if the truck driver didn't see us approaching, or just saw us and figured we were WAYYYY behind him not realizing how fast we were barreling down the road.

Needless to say when there is 52 MPH speed DIFFERENTIAL you close extremely quickly. All of the sudden our driver SLAMS on the brakes, our car is skidding all over the place, and I hear the tires screeching. This is when I recalled that people who don't wear their seatbelts don't survive 95 mph crashes even in the rich world. Much less in the bush in africa where their aren't any ambulances and the nearest real hospital is miles and miles away.

I remember distinctly thinking "this is it"...rather than try to put on my seatbelt, my drunk self accepted this fate.

Then somehow through an act of God, the driver recovered the car, neither hitting either truck nor sending us off into a field.

We continued home.

Later when I recounted this story to a girl who was in the front seat at this time, she said she had no recollection, because she was so drunk.

The end.

AM3R > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:32

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this was the Taco Bell in fair lakes.

We should definitely meet up at Katie's one day. I haven't gone in a while because I've always been busy late friday nights.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Party-vi 08/01/2014 at 13:36

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That sucks. The Jeep actually looks sad in that picture.

Party-vi > norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback 08/01/2014 at 13:38

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Infinitely sadder in this one :(

Mattbob > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:40

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There are no magnets in your disk brakes on that car. Whoever told you that is full of shit.

nucciOMG > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:45

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I was 17. Got my first speeding ticket in my mom's Mercedes... Pissed off Italian mother... my hands still hurt.

Mattbob > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:47

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nope.

thebigbossyboss > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 08/01/2014 at 13:47

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I forgot that the wheels were still on the car. Undoubtedly that saved your life.

Bandit > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:49

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Well it wasn't dangerous but I thoroughly freaked my self out. This was the first day of me driving my Trans Am. It was sleeting and I was pulling out of the school parking lot. The county sheriff (one of my coaches) was behind me. I wasn't use to the car yet and I gave it a bit too much throttle coming out of the lot, spun the car, and stalled. A car was coming towards me as I panicked and tried to get the engine started. The Sheriff saw all of it, drive past me while looking at me and shaking his head looking ashamed. I got the car started and drove home very carefully.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > Mattbob 08/01/2014 at 13:50

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What are they then?

Mattbob > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:52

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Those are wheel weights. Usually made of lead. Have nothing to do with the brakes. They balance the wheels. You can see on the one it even says 1/4 oz. That means its a quarter ounce weight.

deekster_caddy > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 13:53

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Near death? Close as I've come, mostly from my own stupidity. '73 Buick LeSabre, have been driving this car for decades. About 15 years ago I had nice wide 255-60/15s on it (supposed to have a 215 or 225), pretty much a summer tire but it was "all season". It was winter and I was going north on a ski weekend. Three friends in the car, skis up the middle (high armrest for all?). Two lane highway in the mountains of NH, Rt 16. It's Friday night, so there is a lot of northbound ski traffic and light southbound traffic. Oh, and it's snowing. Did I mention those tires? Not only too wide, but there really wasn't much tread left on them.

Cruising along, maybe going a little too fast for conditions. The plows aren't really out in force, and we are following the ruts in the snow to pavement/ice underneath. The back tires get a little out of the ruts and the back of the car starts to go right. I play with the throttle and get it to come back, and it goes right past the ruts and out to the left. Oh, that's where the southbound lane is! Get it to come back, a little to quickly and off the rear goes to the right again... way out. Now we are basically cruising sideways, near-full oppo, and I am fighting with the steering wheel to keep the front end in the ruts and the back end from getting ahead of the front, but also trying to keep it from coming back quickly, since there are cars on the other side of the road. We are looking 'forward' out the passenger window, watching the trees blur past. My passenger looks out the window, looks back at me, looks back out the window, at me again, I see it in his eyes "I'm going to die before you, aren't I?"

My mind must have exaggerated the length of time over the years, but I think we cruised like that, hanging out sideways, for about 1/4 mile, maybe more. It was on a downhill curve, and there was a ditch, and trees. Eventually the curve straightens out, I play with the throttle enough to get the back wheels into the ruts again without whipping back across the road, and slow way the fuck down. We pulled off at a Dunkin's in Ossippee NH because it was the next place we found to stop, and so I could un-shake for a few minutes. No coffee needed.

Fortunately, that's my closest call. Lessons learned? Good winter tires are worth every penny, and always practice in the snow! Practice practice practice!!!! Without all the donuts and parking lot slides I did there's no way I could have kept that thing out of the woods.

Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius > McMike 08/01/2014 at 14:15

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i felt something in the Force when I read the headline. McMike will be here shortly.

McMike > Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius 08/01/2014 at 14:19

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LOL, that's my only "Neat Death Experience" and "Starion/Conquest" story.

I would rather keep telling it than create more.

McMike > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 14:34

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I remember that Taco Bell. It was very handy after leaving the movie theater drunk.

Pouring out hot sauce for our lost homie

http://goo.gl/maps/c7Vsf

EL_ULY > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 14:34

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Fell asleep narrowly missing 3 light poles. Not in a Lexus or Camry, but im a modded e36 M3 manual

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > EL_ULY 08/01/2014 at 14:36

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*slow clap*

McMike > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 14:39

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After seeing your below reference to wheel weights, maybe you're thinking of these brake "magnets." (which were still weights, but were temporarily added to stabilize the caliper and eliminate noise)

http://jalopnik.com/5437915/chevy-…

McMike > Mattbob 08/01/2014 at 14:40

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http://jalopnik.com/5437915/chevy-…

Could be getting it from these images, I suppose.

Mattbob > McMike 08/01/2014 at 14:45

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maybe, but no mention of magnets. no big deal. I just wanted to make sure some mechanic didn't tell him there were magnets in there to see if he could totally screw him over. "Oh yeah, we,uh, had to replace all the magnets in the brakes. Those are for traction, so, that's gonna be a bit more than we talked about." Now he can call BS

McMike > Mattbob 08/01/2014 at 14:50

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Heh, I suppose that's possible too.

I wonder how many times that photo has been shared t between all the "doing it wrong, epic fail, there i fixed it, redneck repairs "sites beofre it was mis-captioned with "Fucking Magnets, how do they work?"

Could be thinking about trailer brakes, too. Who knows exactly where it came from.

T5Killer > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 16:14

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I had a '89 Volvo wagon that I bought for cheap. It was having stalling problems so I took a day off to change the fuel pumps (yes PUMPS) Volvo decided it needs two, one in the tank to feed the line and one in the line to pressurize it. Genius me decided to do it in the garage on warm day and not put a fan to blow the fumes. I did have the double garage door open. To make a long story short I did the in tank pump quickly and moved to the inline pump. I couldn't get the copper washers to seal the inline pump and had to redo it 3 times stupid me just kept retrying and the gas fumes started to build up in the garage. Breathing started to get hard and I was out of breath and couldn't even walk. I had to crawl to the driveway lay there for a few minutes before I could catch my breath. Needless to say once I did catch my breath I stayed out of the garage for about half and hour and rounded up every fan in the house and set them out pointing out of the garage door.

EL_ULY > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 17:54

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I had been up all night and hardly sept the day before down in Port Aransas. I was driving back home and had the cool a/c in my face and those comfy Vader seats. Lol i actually started dreaming of me driving. I woke up sliding on the grass at around 50mph. I pitched to side facing the road. Im lucky it didn't dig and start flipping. I pulled over at the next rest stop and fell asleep for a half hour.

George McNally > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/01/2014 at 21:52

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I learned what lift-off oversteer was....

It was right after I had my VW's engine rebuilt and upgraded with a big barrel kit, dual carbs and a very loud exhaust system.

Bigger brakes? Better shocks? New tires?

Or even upgrading the front drums to discs?

Nah.....I didn't need any of that stuff-hell, I was running 9 dollar whitewall recaps (remember, it was 1977) and hubcaps.

I was running some back roads with one of my buddies in his Trans Am.....I was actually beating him until I came into a decreasing radius turn and did the cardinal sin of lifting off the gas pedal right in the middle of the turn.

I swapped ends, went backwards between 2 trees a couple of feet off the ground at about 40 mph.

I didn't hit a thing , I ended up in some guys driveway parked just like it would if I had pulled into the driveway and parked normally. I didn't wait around for anyone to come out- I restarted the motor and got the hell out of there.

My buddy was up the road a bit......the color was completely drained out of his face, all he saw was me disappearing between two trees....the whole thing probably took 10 seconds to go down, but it sure taught me what not to do in a rear engined car.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > McMike 08/01/2014 at 23:31

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how?

McMike > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/02/2014 at 09:23

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Cassette tape case was open, and all the windows broke, so they flew out into the woods when the car came to a stop against the tree.

Oh, you meant the car? OK. Went over a crest and caught air like I had done 100 times before. What went wrong this time? Rear wheel drive went wrong. I lifted, and when I came down, the rear tires chirped, and around the rear end is no way to go through life, son.

Last thing I remember is being sideways at 75pmh looking for more opposite lock. None more lock was found that night.

Sally O'Broder > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/02/2014 at 13:13

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Someone literally tried to change lanes with their bigass old school SUV directly into the exact space my tiny janky 1995 Mitsubishi Mirage was currently on the interstate. I was lucky enough to run into the median in time, and lucky that it was a grass one.

You should have seen the other driver's face. She very clearly recognized how in any number of parallel universes she had just murdered me.

Then there was that time two cars decided to go ahead and race me car after I started passing them with plenty of room for me to just accelerate and go about my day. There wasn't enough time to slow down after it became clear what was happening and oncoming traffic had appeared. Really, really scary stuff. Seconds. These people were very deliberately spaced in a way that made it impossible for me to just easily pull back into the proper lane, and were also originally going almost 20mph below the speed limit. I don't pass recklessly, they had decided to rage after being passed so many times and did what they did on purpose.

Also there was that time I fell asleep at the wheel during a road trip and just woke up in Frederick, Maryland but I'm not sure how well that counts. Gotta love automatic driving.

Svend > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/02/2014 at 14:02

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Most recently some idiot in a BMW (who doesn't think 70mph on a road is fast enough and wants to be somewhere faster than the rest of the world because he's more important, d1ckhead, FYI I know not all BMW owners are like that but it's these a-holes that get the most notice and ruin it for the rest of them) over taking on the outside of a bend coming straight at us the other week missing us by two metres with a closing speed of 160mph. If we hit it would of been lights out for probably all of use once you factored in steep bend on a hill trees either side but then again hey, such is life. I've had colleagues take high top long wheelbase top heavy Ford Transit ambulances at speed on bends, just strap in for the ride.

Steve in Manhattan > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/02/2014 at 15:41

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1987 Toyota 4x4 HiLux longbed - on the way home in a snowstorm (that I should not have been driving in ...). In 4WD, down a mild hill and SNAP - all of a sudden I was looking at tarmac and hanging by my seatbelt. Turns out either the truck popped out of 4WD or when I put it in the light came on but it wasn't fully engaged. Bunch of good ol' boys in an F150 came along, we pushed the truck back up onto its wheels, and I drove it home. $1600 in bodywork and a new mirror and it was good as new.

Steve in Manhattan > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/02/2014 at 15:47

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Oh - and this high-speed blowout outside of Annapolis in a friend's Blazer. He got a new steel-belted radial under his Christmas tree.

Steve in Manhattan > McMike 08/02/2014 at 16:21

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Off topic - I think the crossover from cassette to CD was around 1997, because my '97 SHO had both.

Camry-Into-Canyon > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert 08/06/2014 at 09:16

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I haven't had a near-death experience mainly because my family members have had too many to count. My dad almost got blindsided by a semi on the 401 (in a colt), he drove said colt into a water-filled sinkhole, he looped a grand-am 720-or-so degrees on the 427 going 120km/h in the early 90s. My grandad had his chevette's brakes fail, so he rear-ended a buick at 60 km/h, and he had a wheel come off his mini (an early-60s 848).